D\y 20 - privacy vs secrecy

Someone recently told me that they had promised their mother that they wouldn't discuss certain aspects of their family background with their soon-to-be spouse.    My immediate reaction was that you cant build a marriage on a foundation of secrets.  But their reasoning was that it wasnt secret keeping - it was a matter of privacy.   There were matters relating to the extended family which had nothing to do with the new spouse and therefore the new spouse didnt need to know them.   There was no lying involved.... it appeared that it was more a matter of not telling the whole story.   It wasnt even as though there were shameful or criminal or .... well, any issues which might have warranted such secrecy - it was just that this was a private family who wanted to keep their affairs to themselves.     Privacy or secrecy ?   Is there a difference and are either of them good things?

Jesus seems to have been a private person.  He used to go away by Himself into the mountains or some place quiet to be by Himself and to pray.  In the Garden of Gethsemane He removes Himself from the guys and wants to be alone.  And He tells us that when we pray we need to shut the door on the world and get private with God.   So in some ways privacy is clearly a good thing.  The Bible encourages us to be modest in our behaviour - closing the bathroom door isnt a matter of keeping
things from those we love - its merely a matter of decency!!   And of course we do expect our personal details to be kept private in some areas of our lives.....

( 😁 these both made me laugh out loud so I had to give you both of them  !)

Then there's the matter of secrets - not even Jesus knows the day or the hour that God is going to bring about the end.  It's a secret.  That's an interesting one!

In having read a bit around the subject of secrecy vs privacy today I've come across something useful

Privacy is given
Secrets are withheld
Privacy encourages a sense of self
Secrecy is used to control


I think on balance that we need an element of privacy in our lives - but that really it is something which should be given to us by others who love and respect us.  And therefore something we should be grateful for but not feel entitled to.  And secrets - although occasionally useful ( that surprise birthday party or special Christmas present just wouldnt be the same without a bit of secret- keeping ) are never a good idea when they involve lies and deception.    Satan is the father of lies.   Every lie, however small, comes from the pit of hell.  I'm convinced of it.   So we need to be very careful indeed.  For the health of our relationships we should endeavour to foster trust and openness - secrets tend to breed mistrust, insecurity and fear.  If keeping a secret from someone causes us to tell lies, behave in a devious manner, avoid people and feel guilty then its time to find another way.  And perhaps its also time to gently but clearly confront people who ask us to keep secrets and bring up our children to do ' surprises' rather than keep secrets ( the culture of ' keep quiet and dont tell anyone' has led to untold horrors for children in the past and ruined many lives by being used as a weapon of control.  )

Big subject.  Much to say.  But hopefully this has got you thinking about something you might not have heretofore considered.   Many blessings to you as we approach the half way spot on our Lenten journey xx